Shades of Gray ~ October 2028

Kiara sighed and rubbed a hand over her forehead as she walked along the castle grounds thinking, When had thing become so grey all the time, perhaps it was the sudden deaths and drama over the summer.. first Eglantine died having the twins, then Ciarans parents were killed by purgers, then her and Ethan encountering Viper on the Astronomy tower prepared to kill herself.. Luckily she hadn`t gone through with it and had gone to seek help..

Now Sevastyan ... she was greatly worried for him, something happened between him and Viper and whatever it had been had a great impact on them both and she wasn`t sure what happened.. Looking up at the sky, it looked like it might rain at any moment, she hated rain normally but at that moment she wished it would clear up for mood sakes only. However as rain started to mist over the school Kiara sighed again and drooped her head. Life just seemed to be getting gray and less joyful at the moments ticked by.
Not seeming to care she was getting wet, se continued her walk along the castle walls.

Sevastyan stalked about the castle walls, the hood on his robes pulled over his head of short hair. He had gotten it cut at the start of September, and had kept it maintained at that length since. The reason for his hood being up was threefold: firstly, it kept the rain from soaking him. Second, he didn't want to be exceedingly recognizable. The last reason couldn't quite be defined, but it had much to do with the darkness that has clouded his skies over since summer. His form had gotten thinner over the months. It was even more noticeable now as he had recently begun to decline meals. He was not so thin as to appear underweight, but it was clear that his robes and such were slightly too big.

His gait was slow, almost aimless, and mournful. Sveta and Stefan were both looking after his children while Sevastyan was away at classes. Truthfully, though, his class had ended an hour ago and he did not feel like returning to his quarters just yet. All the memories still remained: some still pleasant, while others had turned quite painful. Thus, Sevastyan decided to take a walk whether it was rain or shine. In his hand, as was common of late, was a partial bottle of vodka. He had disguised it as water while he had been teaching.

Not realizing he had company, all of Sevastyan's focus had gone to a plant he hadn't realized had been growing at Hogwarts. He would need some for the potion he was debating on brewing. The wizard sunk to his knees almost as if in defeat before the plant. He gingerly set down the bottle of vodka, leaning it against his thigh, and retrieved his wand due to lack of carrying the proper utensil to collect the cutting he wished.

Kiara blinked through the rain, when she spotted a hooded figure walking through the grounds. She walked cautiously for a moment then relaxed realizing it was Sevastyan and not an intruder. The aura of the pendant she gave him year ago couldn't mistaken by her.

However her eyes soon revealed worry she spotted him kneel down to his knees. As her defense against the dark arts teacher and newly appointed Deputy Head, Kiara worried for Sevastyan very much, he had changed so drastically over the summer and he even had a saddness over him.. a defeated look that just scared her more then she could ever discribe, she had never seen him like this before.. well perhaps the winter before Viper and him married and Viper suddenly left.. but this seemed worse...

"What is he doing?" she thought to herself. As she walked through the wet grass towards him. She pulled her now wet black hair out of her face as the wind messed it up. A rain storm was coming she could almost feel it.

"Sevastyan?" she simply said walking up to his side, She didn't ask anything further, feeling her asking questions on what he was doing and why would annoy him. And with the way his mood seemed to be lately, she didn't want that...

"I.. ah.. mind if I join you?" she asked, misery loved company right?

Sevastyan didn't care that he had plopped himself down in a patch of valerian. He didn't care that he was allergic to valerian. The wizard didn't even care that he was being watched. All that mattered was the plant in front of him: asphodel. Why the few stalks of this little bugger were all the way out here and not in the greenhouses, the Russian had not a clue. Perhaps a student brought it out here to grow in secret... or perhaps it was waiting here all along for Sevastyan to come and pluck it up. Either way, the plant was coming with him now. He dug around the stalks of asphodel to expose the roots, though it meant accidentally rubbing up against the allergy-inducing valerian to in order to accomplish his task.

The wizard jumped at Kiara's voice, nicking his fingers with the cutting spell he was using. The tiny cuts he'd given himself were his fault: Sevastyan knew better than to leave his fingers anywhere near where a cutting spell was going to be performed. He had jumped so violently in startlement that his hood fell off, exposing his abnormally short hair and washed-out complexion. A good look at his face would show the dark spots beneath his eyes that had nothing to do with lack of sleep or a dietary deficiency, and everything to do with his latest forays into the Dark Arts. He had promised Nikolai, his late cousin, that he would never practice the Dark Arts again. Much like how he had somehow failed his wife, so too did Sevastyan fail his favorite relative...

"Kiara..." he murmured, a droplet of pain staining his otherwise normally soft-spoken tone. Plucking the root portions from the plants, he pocketed the roots and tossed the rest of the stalk far away from the valerian. With any luck, it might re-root in a location that was safer for him. At her question, the wizard's gray eyes slowly found their way up to meet Kiara's gaze. The stormy orbs were desolate; empty save for the tiny spark that remained, and expanded slightly at the sight of his children or loved ones. Sure enough, the spark of life expanded a trifle for Kiara's sake, too. "By all means..." he answered wearily, as though he had only just gotten a break from fierce battle after battle in an epic war.

"I vould offer you a drink, but..." he trailed off as an afterthought, moving to dry a patch of grass and dirt beneath the nearest try for them both to sit on. The bottle of alcohol was back in his hand almost as if the thing were tied to his sleeve, the way a child's mittens are often sewn together by a long length of cloth and strung through both coat sleeves. Some days were better than others, but those with a keen sense of smell could detect the alcohol on him daily and in varying degrees of potency depending on how bad that day had been.

As he took up a seat upon a bit of grass (he moved away from the valerian as his hand was already starting to feel a bit itchy), Sevastyan realized with a groan that he had settled himself before a wild rose bush. It instantly reminded him of the many times he would bring flowers to his wife, and therefore he tried not to look at it. The bit of nature would only serve to remind Sevastyan precisely all that he had lost the day his wife left him and their three children to their own devices. His children's sad faces as well as his own in the mirror every day since then were reminders enough of the pain they were all going through.

Each day without Amaranth Viper scraped his shattered heart raw, the wounds bleeding anew with each thought - good or bad - regarding her. How Sevastyan longed for at least some sort of contact with Amaranth. He wouldn't really care if they fought until the apocalypse came... just so that he could see and speak to her; get some things he hadn't said off his chest... Anything that would ease the pain of his perceived loneliness, despite being surrounded by friends and family. It wasn't a social loneliness that had him so depressed. Rather, it was a different kind of loneliness - not having a partner to share anything with anymore, and the hole in his soul at the perception of having been replaced by another wizard as comforter to his wife - that was eating at him. It was too soon for him to be able to forgive Amaranth, but Merlin he longed for her! Some days, it seemed like the combination of pain and yearning would kill him.

Shaking these thoughts from his head, Sevastyan blinked up at Kiara with no small amount of curiosity. He was in one of his better moods at the moment. "Vot brings you out here?" Sevastyan asked, patting to the other patch of dry grass with one hand and twisting off the cap to his beloved vodka with the other.

Kiara was about the apologize for startling him, she had thought he heard her coming, it wasn`t like she tried to be extra quiet or anything, but she supposed he had been absorbed in his activity her presence had gone unnoticed.

But then she saw his worn face, and concern flashed in her eyes it seemed he looked worse as days went by. Not that she would ever tell him that, like kicking someone while they were already down, but truly he was really starting to worry with his new life style choices. Not that she was one to talk, her face was pale and tired looking as well, which had nothing to do with Dark arts and everything to do with lack of a good night`s sleep and a proper meal. Worry for where the future led plagued her night`s with nightmares and robbed her of her apatite.

She winced when she noticed he cut himself when she startled him. "Sorry Sevastyan" she said apologeticaly. She sighed and shook her head when he commented on offering her a drink, even if she wasn't allergic to the stuff, she wasn't about to encourage him to drink more. he drank enough for both of them in her opinion.. but it would be a harsh thing to say, and by the look of her firend he was being particularly to harsh on himself anyway.

"What is the plant anyway?" she asked curious.

She took a seat beside him, and observed him for a moment longer and followed his gaze to the rose bush. Normally she like roses, the flower brighted a place up. But now there wilted petals didn't bring the same shine that they previously had. Was the whole world turning lifeless? Were there Dementors breading near by? Why was everything so Miserable? If she wanted to she could cry right there for a good few hours.. but luckliy she didn't want to put that burden on Sevastyan so her barrier stayed up for the moment.

"Oh just thinking I guess" she said with a sigh. "Thougt a walk would clear my head, but it seemed to only make it more crouded.. Everthing just seemed to have fallen apart this year" She said closing her eyes a moment and keeping her emotions in check.

She noted he opened his Vodka bottle and had to advert her eyes from him, she knew something happened with him and Viper over the summer, she wasn't exactly sure what, but something must have been seriously wrong.. Was it because of Vipers illness? she wondered. Whatever the reason she knew that were both hurting emencely and both seemed to deal with it differently. Sevastyan's method seemed to be the bloody Vodka, and although she knew he hurt.. she believed he drank too much, and it was going to catch up with him one day. That was what worried her, she rarely ever seen drink anything else lately... But who was she to tell him what he could or couldn't do?

She sighed, shaking her head warily.

"Eglantines death, Ciaran's parents murder...." she glanced glanced at Sevastyan, Vipers Attempted suside was on the list though she wasn't about mention it around around her present compainion.

"And now the aftermath of it all... It doesn't feel like the sun will ever come out" she said looking out at the cold and gray world.

Sevastyan shook his head at the apology. "Don't be. It vos my fault..." he murmured.

The Russian stiffened when she asked about the plant. How much did she know about the plant's use in potions? Would she find him out? Should he come up with a back-up plan if she did figure him out? Stormy irises came out of their depressed state to eye Kiara with full attention now that he was on the alert. Silence persisted for several moments as Kiara sat herself beside him. Eventually, Sevastyan exhaled a sigh through his nose. "Asphodel," he muttered in time with the sigh. "I need it for a... a potion..." the wizard elaborated, although the word 'potion' was rather hard for him to spit out and it showed.

Sevastyan nodded at Kiara's words solemnly. "It is... the same vay here," he commented vaguely, though expressed no desire to speak about the worries and troubles of his own life. Talking about it would not make Amaranth come back to him, and would likely serve only to break him further.

Kiara's glance away from him did not go without Sevastyan's knowledge. Raven brows couldn't help but narrow in confusion. It wasn't like he was doing something indecent. Shrugging her reaction off, the Russian put the bottle to his lips and tilted it for to take a near-gulp of the stuff. The burn of the liquor going down his throat was almost like the embrace of an old friend. Like Nikolai, trying to pep-talk him through this rough patch and reassuring him everything would mend one day...

'Yeah, right...' the pessimist in Sevastyan rolled its eyes at that thought. The soft-spoken, optimistic half refused to give up despite not being as vocal as its opposite.

The wizard glanced down at the vodka again when Kiara mentioned the deaths, though did not take another drink. He couldn't help but nod and give a quiet murmur of agreement at her comment about the sun never coming out again. "Certainly seems that vay... Though the children make the days a little brighter..." Sevastyan replied, trying his best to put some energy into his words. But alas, they were as lethargic and melancholy as he looked. It was true, though: Lara, Demyan, and Lynn were three of the prime reasons Sevastyan kept going. Should he fail entirely, what would happen to them? The Russian swore to never, ever, put them in such a position as to find out.

She raised an eye brow at Sevastyans reaction to her asking about the plant, she hadn't been suspicious before, but now she could not help it. Asphodel could be used in many different types of potions, but by the way he was acting, what he had in mind wouldn't be good.

"Why do I get the feeling I won't like what this potion entails?" she asked softly, with Sevastyans all round behaviour as of late, him starting dark arts and potions related to them up again was not a shock to her.

She sighed looking more wary, she mentally wished the old Sevastyan would come back.. along with Viper. It wasn't the same without them there anymore.. granted Sevastyan was still there.. but he was different.. almost exactly opposite as he had normally been.. Sevastyan had become like a brother to her.. and there children, mostly Rossa and Demyan were best of friends.. However the pain filled man she sat beside... she wasn't sure she knew him very well.

She wished he would open up about what pained him so.. perhaps she could understand better... but he was very closed off lately.

"Be careful with whatever your planning to do Sevastyan..." she said in the same soft tone.

Kiara nodded in agreement with him about the children, they could still bring smiles to there faces, and they kept them going really, to protect them through these dark times.

"Yes, they do have a talent for bringing a ray of sun once in a while" she said her face lightening slightly at the thought of her children. Tav was ever helpful, sensitive when the need arose, taking care of his younger siblings and even make an effort to help relieve his parents burdens. Her two younger ones were a joy as well, Edan was always happy and wanting to make everyone happy. Rossa was a sweet innocent little girl. Who could some who tell when someone was upset, or hurting.. She'd come home from hanging out with Demyan looking most worried for her friend. Her little Rose such a big heart. want make all her friends pain go away.

"Speaking of the children, how are they? Rossa has come home some days expressing concern for Demyan..." she wanted to ask what happened between him and Viper that shock them up so much, she knew they must have had a tremendous fight for this to happen. However it wasn't any of her business, so she wouldn't ask.. but merlin if Sevastyan ever wanted to talk she was all ears for him.

Kiara’s softly-asked question forced Sevastyan to hold back a roll of his eyes. “I vouldn’t have a clue...” he muttered somewhat sarcastically. “I von’t be harming anyvone vith it, you have my vord.” Or at least that wasn’t his intent...

The wizard was well aware that he was acting and reacting contrary to his previous almost-decade of behavior, but he couldn’t help it. He was still angry, and hurt, and stressed. If he could at least get rid of being angry and hurt, it would help. And Sevastyan had a plan to fix that. He had to halt this magical breakdown of sorts before he did any more damage, if for no one else’s sake then for that of his children. Even Stefan was complaining that he ought to be a proper father despite all that has happened to cause him to sink into an abyss of darkness. For someone of Stefan’s malevolence to gripe... either he was doing so to be a pain in the rear or on Viper’s behalf...

Merlin, what would Amaranth think of him if she were to see even half of the empty vodka bottles that accumulated over the course of a week?

Another sigh was pushed out of the Russian’s nose. “I vill do vot I must to make sure those I care about are safe...” he replied quietly. What he did not say was that even if it meant sacrificing himself in exchange, he would probably do it if he was guaranteed his children would be looked after.

Once more, the wizard stiffened. This time, however, an expression of genuine concern crossed his features and refused to leave. “They are... dealing vith everything as best they can,” he sighed heavily. “Lara is most definitely the trooper: doing votever she can to help. I daresay betveen us four, she seems the least affected, though I think inside she hurts vith the rest of us. She is so like her mother... Lynn doesn’t understand yet, being so young. Her nightmares have gotten fewer, though, thank Merlin...

“As for Demyan...” Sevastyan paused. He wasn’t quite sure what to say about Demyan. “... Demyan has been taking this almost as hard as me. He spends almost all day as an animagus and vill not say much to me regardless vot form he is in,” the wizard confessed with no small amount of pain and disappointment in his voice. “I do not know vot I am going to do vith him...”

Kiara almost gave Sevastyan a glare at his sarcasim over her statment, but sighed it off.. it would not do to become irritated with him now. Gone were the days, she could give Sevastyan a sincere statment and another one in return " I know you never intend to harm anyone, least of all those at hogwarts, you still have my trust in that area..." she paused picking out her words care fully. "My concern was mainly for your health and safety.." she said eyeing him warily..

She nodded at his statment, "So must we all Sevastyan, but we shouldn't have to do it alone... Whatever your planning please don't do it recklessly. " she said as she wrapped her robe around her self. The rain and damp air finally grabing hold of her.. after being unable to resist a shiver she cast a warming charm on herself,, though it was only partly successful in warming her up. She took a deep breath, her and cold never faired well.

Kiara listened with concern as well about the 3 children she thought of as her niece's and nephew. She nodded to what he said about Lara and Lynn, seeming to fit the oldest and youngest roles acurately, thought she felt bad to hear Lynn had been having nightmares.. Rossa had the same problems..

Kiara blinked on the news about Demyan, sounded like he was scared and confused like any 6 year old would be when a family went through crisis like that.

"Perhaps he just needs time understanding? " she stated aloud.. it was a statment she often said to Stefan and Sveta when in reguards to Sevastyan himself.

The Russian couldn’t help but feel belatedly apologetic for his sarcasm. More often than not of late he seemed to say things before he thought them out. It got him into trouble first with his wife, which in part may have furthered her desire to leave, and now with everyone around him. Sevastyan nodded at her continued trust with a sort of defeated gratitude. So as not to be misunderstood, Sevastyan was grateful to have her trust. The defeat that went with it was that he knew good and well that his return to the dark arts had let many people down, including the Headmistress.

However, at her added comment he couldn’t help but somewhat sneak a sideways glance at her. The wizard’s face twisted in confusion at the wary gaze he was being given, then mellowed out a moment later. “I’ll be fine...” he attempted to say with conviction. However, Sevastyan personally didn’t feel all that confident. The potion was not tested or approved by any form of wizarding government. In fact, he doubted anyone outside of folklorists of the wizarding world even attempted to conceive its do-ability before...

Metaphorical wheels turned within the wizard’s head at Kiara’s words. “Ve shouldn’t, I agree. But sometimes ve have to,” he replied, throat tight and the words not coming out easily. Sevastyan inhaled so sharply through his nose that it could easily have been mistaken for a stifled gasp of pain. “I have changed in a lot of vays, Kiara...” he began with a slow sigh. “... And not at all of late in vays that I am proud of... But I promise you: votever I do, I still give things thought beforehand.” Absently he tried to curl even moreso into the shelter provided by their tree, and in so doing attempted to make himself appear smaller. ’Vether it is premeditated or truly thought through, however, is another story,’ Sevastyan mused but did not say. Saying such a thing would surely put his friend on the alert. While part of him wanted that, the other part did not.

That was about when he noticed Kiara shiver. For a reason undefined he nodded in agreement and mimicked the movement. “Ve can take this indoors if you vish?” he asked with gentle warmth, a bit of the old Sevastyan peeking out from behind this new dark curtain. He knew Kiara did not tolerate the cold as well as he could.

“I don’t know...” Sevastyan confessed, “... but I vorry for him. It is not healthy for a child so young to stay as an animagus that long.” It was difficult for Sevastyan to explain precisely where that notion came from. He recalled reading it somewhere, and Praskovya and Sveta had both remarked upon it. “He also has... some very strong opinions, if I translated the brief snippets of Parseltongue I heard correctly.”

Kiara's waryness wasn't merely the tireness she felt nor the cold, it was wairyness only worry could cause. She worried for alot of people, and wished to help them all. She worried for horatio, since Eglantines death, she worried for Ciaran, who like Sevastyan willing to do anything to keep is family safe. She worried for her children and their future.. she basically worried about all she cared about. To make it worse, the people she used to confide in were not avalible... in her mind anyway.

Eglantine was dead, Horatios was weighed down with all the children he cared for mainlu his infant twins at the moment, who she helpped him care for. And of course Sevastyan was in to much pain of his own to handle her worries... Sveta was the only one left, yet she didn't want to worry her younger firend to much.. She and Sveta were alot alikem they could worry them selves sick if they weren't careful.

Kiara paused a moment, examining Sevastyan appearence, he didn't look so sure about that, didn't sound truely confident either, even though she was sure he tried. She lifted her hand and patted his shoulder, wondering if he needed a small form of physical confort.

She sighed wishing she could believe him, "If you need help Sevastyan don't hesitate to ask" she said even though she wasn't sure of what she could do other then continue to be his firend despite the way he acted sometimes.

Worry for her firend grew in her heart as she observed his behavior and listened to his words, she silently agreed that unfortunatley they had to handle things them selves... She wished they didn't have to, the world might seem alittle less lifeless then. She wished what he said made her feel better, but however the way he acted only worried and alarmed her more. It seemed the they more talked the more worried about him she became.

She almost looked in surprise when he suggested they take it inside, part of her wanted to, but she knew the moment she stepped into the school she would be called away. This was the most Sevastyan had opened up since the start of the school year, she didn't want to hault it now.

"Thank you Sevastyan, but that fine, I will likely be pulled away, if we set foot back in there" she said though shivered again. "Though would you mind walking around for a bit?" she asked almost relieved a small part of the Sevastyan she used to know still resided in there somewhere..

She nodded to his concerns on Demyan, it made sense being in a animal for long periodes of time would not be good for a small child.

She blinked sadly, as Sevastyan contined, strong opinions? then it made a bit of sense to her.. whatever happened to made Viper split, Demyan blamed it on his father..

"I am sorry Sevastyan I am not sure what to suggest... He is welcome to visit our place anytime he wishes. But that won't solve anything I know..." she wasn't sure what to tell him she didn't have alot of information other the what her daughter had mentioned. Plus she figured telling Sevastyan to just be there for his son might not be the thing to say.

Without thinking much about his actions, Sevastyan leaned into the kind touch upon his shoulder. He would gladly take almost any form of comfort another offered. The wizard nodded silently at Kiara’s offer. Although, he wasn’t sure what sort of help she or anyone else might lend. Sevastyan doubted she would agree to help him with his latest idea to overcome his pain... It was much too dark and far too risky of a plot where his own life was concerned.

Because Kiara seemed to drop the subject by not responding to his promise to have thought beforehand about a course of action, Sevastyan took it as she accepted his words. A part of the old Sevastyan could still sense the witch’s worry and alarm. Some portion of his old self wished there were words enough to quell those worries, but the new and darker version could find none in its pessimism of the sort to share.

Gray eyes rimmed with black took in Kiara’s shivering form as she declined the offer to go inside. Sevastyan nodded, understanding the logic behind it. While he wasn’t about to say so, a part of him was avoiding going indoors so as not to face the plethora of memories that his personal chambers brought to mind. “Sure,” he replied to her suggestion of a walk and abruptly stood. He needed to get away from that rose at any rate for it reminded him far too much of his own wilted flowers: his wife, and his children. No amount of sun, water, or love seemed able to restore them to their former glory. Not even Ethan was able to lighten their hearts for very long. The wizard offered Kiara a hand up, though whether the new Sevastyan had taken back over or the old one was still there was too difficult to say. Even the new Sevastyan had at least an ounce of manners when he wanted to be polite.

The wizard nodded sadly. “Perhaps he just needs time avay from that atmosphere...” Sevastyan ventured, a small hint that he may take Kiara up on that offer at some point. “No matter vot I do it does not seem to be good enough to fix things vith him,” he mused aloud. At the back of his mind the wizard couldn’t help but think that nothing he did lately was good enough for Demyan to get over his anger. Just like his efforts to comfort Amaranth were also seemingly either not good enough or too strong. “I hope that vone day he vill understand...”

Kiara looked sadly at Sevastyan for a moment, how so very sad and alone he seemed, never had she seen him look so defeated. She wished she could help him, like the time he'd been attacted by the womping willow... alittle bit of potion and he was fine.. things were so much more simple back then.

"I wish I could help Sevastyan, I not sure how, as much as I hate to admit it" she said quietly with a sigh as she accepted his hand up. and they began to walk the boreder of the forest and Hogwarts Grounds.

"I could try to talk with him, but I don't want to over step anything.. or it is unlikly he will listen to me, but I could try if you are alright with it" she mused not wishing to make Sevastyan feel worse. Though she supposed she could understand why Demyan was upset.. if even vauguely. Sevastyan acted different, was more harsh and rearly ever did she see him smile anymore.. Whatever happened with him and Viper, she hoped they could mend it..

"He is welcome any time, and I am sure he will one day Sevastyan.. he's in a rough patch right now same as you.. Hopefully things will clear up later" she assured she also made a note to tell Demyan the same thing... he would be welcome over anytime.. Day or night.. if things became to.. she wasn't sure how to discribe it .. Dark.

She sighed as she walked feeling abit more miserable as the seconds ticked by.. She rubbed her eyes wanting to stop them from misting over... why did things need to seem so hopeless recently.. Sevastyan was actually alot like the way he discribed Demyan... nothing anyone ever did seemed to anything even remotely better... perhaps that was why he drank so much... That fact only made her feel worse..

Although it had been spoken quietly, Sevastyan caught her words. He faltered for a moment before nodding. “You’re not the only vone...” the wizard muttered. Others in his family shared the same sentiment. However, what he truly meant was that he hadn’t a clue what would help him or how to seek it out. Vodka helped for a while. If only there was a way to turn back time and relive the moment. Alas, even if he had access to a time-turner there would be no practical way for him to keep the events from happening without making his past self think he was insane.

Sevastyan glanced downward at the offer. “I vould velcome just about anything, if there is even a small chance it might vork. He certainly vill not listen to me,” he admitted, defeat loud and clear in his voice. “I varn you, though: he is stubborn.” If there was one thing that boy inherited, Sevastyan realized, it was the stubbornness of both pureblooded dynasties.

The professor nodded. “I vill keep that in mind,” he murmured at the offer. The wizard hoped Kiara was right about Demyan and that things would clear up in time, but didn’t voice it. Perhaps, when he needed time to himself, Sevastyan might be able to talk Sveta into taking Demyan and the kids to visit Kiara. Despite all of the drinking he did, the wizard did not want his children to see him drunk. Although... it was slowly becoming more and more inevitable.

He took another gulp of a drink from the bottle as they walked. It was bad luck to drink alone according to his father. Perhaps that was why, now moreso than before, things seemed to fall apart more rapidly: Sevastyan drank alone, away from the company of anyone, when in his deepest throes of sorrow. Although it was no secret the Russian liked to drink, Sevastyan was ashamed of the amounts he took to and why.

The wizard glanced over at Kiara when he noticed she seemed to become preoccupied with her eyes. “How have things been vith your family?” Sevastyan ventured. The question was subdued, but genuine. It also provided a means for the subject to change from his house of sorrows to a hopefully brighter topic.

Kiara sighed despite what she said, she still want to do something for him, he looked so miserable, she was deeply worried he would do something that harmed himself.. even more that what he did now. With the dark arts and his constant drinking..

"That doesn't mean I will quit trying though" she said as an after thought, trying to drop as many lines as she could.. They couldn't loose hope yet, despite the bleekness of the situation.

She rasied an eye brow at his comment about Demyan being stuborn, she wasn't sure what Sevastyan thought she was going to say to his son.. she wasn't going to lecture him on how he behaved with his father or anything like that she only wanted to talk with him.. find out his thoughts and feelings on the situation. Then if he wanted to talk more about it.. they could work out something that made the situation better for him.. Well that was the plan anyway.

"We will see.. " she said with a sigh as she watched him take another drink of Vodka... she wanted to say something about it... but the moment didn't warrent it seemed.. he wasn't tripping over drunk, so no reason to lecture.. if the situation were less bleek she be impressed with his ability to hold his liquor.

At his question about her family she looked thoughtful, nothing was a sunny as it used to be.. there was a shadow of fear over them all and she knew it. But they all tried to keep there heads up, and that was more the she could ask.

"Been better.. but could be worse" she muttered before glancing at him..

"Ciaran is strong, considering his parents murder, he is strong for the kids.. though I worry for him.. he sleeps less then I do now.." she said warily as she talked of her beloved husband.

"Tav.. he is training to be auror like his Dad.. but I swear if any purger get their hands on him I don't know what I'd..." she said fear in her voice at the very thought of her grown step-son being harmed in anyway, and likely possiblity of that happening increased with everyday.

"And the little ones.. they don't quite understand yet.. but they feel it now that there grandparents are gone. Edan.. he is the easiest actually.. a kiss and hug and assense all is going to be alright.. and he is happy. Or at least that is what it seems like.. and Rossa... I feel so bad for her.. she still takes her grandparents death hard.. she cries herself to sleep at night and even when she finally manage to sleep she has nightmares..." she said feeling more hopeless just by saying it.

Kiara gave a sort of pathetic laugh and the mist over her eyes turned into tears..
"Everything is just falling apart.. and its like there is nothing I can do to make things better even slightly for anyone in my family.. my husband, my children, Sveta, you... Viper" she said sighing her hands clentched, what she wouldn't give to hear even a little bit of hope in Sevastyan's voice.. To know this depression that seemed to desend on them could be lifted.

"I miss the simpler days Sevastyan, right now it feels like we are struggling just keep our heads up." she murrmered truning her eyes to the muddy cold ground.

“About all ve can do is try...” Sevastyan muttered, somewhat missing the point Kiara was trying to make. Had he been clear-minded he would have seen it better. Then again were the wizard clear of mind and not dipping into the alcohol that frequently, or had thoughts to harm himself, maybe it would put his friends and family a bit more at ease. That thought only made Sevastyan feel like he was being a burden. A mind-voice that sounded peculiarly like Stefan confirmed it. If he knew his children would be safe and wouldn’t hate him for all eternity Sevastyan would gladly do the purgers a favor and end it for his part. At least the pain might then eventually fade away. But he couldn’t. He had to live, if not for his sake then that of his children. Abandoning them was not an option he ever could, or would, consider in earnest.

Lips formerly parted slightly pressed together at Kiara’s response as the wizard nodded. The ‘been better’ part could certainly be said of his family. That latter part, though... Sevastyan couldn’t think of how much worse ‘worse’ could be aside from death. He didn’t say anything, but did glance in Kiara’s direction with sympathy.

Sevastyan listened in silence so as not to rudely interrupt. He really didn’t know what to say that might help. Viper’s parents were long since gone, and his own were still alive. Sevastyan didn’t have any children that were now adults despite Lara’s strength and Demyan’s defiance seeming both beyond their years. The wizard did understand the bit about the little ones. But what more could he suggest to help? It seemed like Kiara had everything covered. “I am sorry,” he murmured. Sevastyan knew that didn’t make everything better, but it was the best he could come up with to say.

As Kiara broke down Sevastyan averted his eyes. Some might believe it was an act of coldness. However, this was something the ‘old’ Sevastyan had done before not out of malevolence but respect. Although he still kept silent Sevastyan was honored that Kiara would consider him, his sister, and Viper as part of her family. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel like he was a disgrace infecting them all. Without really thinking the wizard put his free arm around Kiara’s shoulders in a one-armed embrace much like he often bestowed upon Sveta.

“Viper has made her decision,” Sevastyan muttered in a bleak cocktail of resentment, sorrow, and anger. He doubted Kiara would understand the statement and wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about such a thing. Yet Sevastyan couldn’t help but make the remark anyway. It was unheard of for him to refer to his wife by her maiden last name except when speaking with a student. Sevastyan took yet another drink in punctuation of his statement.

"I miss the simpler days Sevastyan, right now it feels like we are struggling just keep our heads up."

Sevastyan sighed, glanced at the bottle in his hand, and returned the arm around Kiara to his side. “So do I,” he murmured after a moment’s silence. “It seems just like yesterday everything vos fine, and now –“ Sevastyan didn’t see the raised tree root and hadn’t even the slightest clue his boot had hooked onto it. In concert with the mud and his slight intoxication, Sevastyan tripped and went down hard. “Whoa!”

The open bottle of vodka sailed out of his hand and rolled away, its remaining contents draining out of the container and into the already soaked ground.

Kiara couldn't believe she had broken down in front of Sevastyan like that and was mentally hitting her self for doing so as she wipped her face. She blinked in surprise when Sevastyan gave her a one armed embrace. Not expecting him to have done anything.. She bit her lip, " I am sorry.. I didn't..." she trailed off really what could she say. "... Thank you for listening" she said quietly. If anything Sevastyan still seemed to have that part about him. He listened, even if he didn't offer anything in return.. they both seemed to have the same problem.. neither of them really new how to help the other..

Kiara's face showed a varity of emotions at Sevastyans comment about Viper. Shock that he had called his wife by her maiden name. Her calling his wife Viper was a nickname for respect, and it had seem to stick since at the time it was given she was her head of Slytherin. Sevastyan calling Amaranth, Viper was odd and in that tone, it made her shiver. Confusion crossed her face at the statment, since she yet to know what had happened between the two. and now she didn't want to know, that made her all the more worried. And of course more worry crossed her face. Concern for firends more so then before..

Then it didn't help at that moment Sevastyan took another drink to follow the statment. If this was his way of coping with pain of his and Vipers troubles... she was very worried for his well being. Even though she had never spoke about it.. her muggle mother drank herself to death... She couldn't bare the thought of Sevastyan following the same path..

Kiara was about to silently nod to Sevastyan statment, when he rather suddenly did a face plant in the mug.

"Sevatyan!? you alright?" she asked as she knealt beside him, it was a relative question, she didn't expect the fall to really hurt him any.. other then his pride anyway.

She eyed the spilt vodka for a second, not sorry it was gone if she was honest, though felt bad Sevastyan's already dweary day just seemed to get worse.

"I am sorry" she said not really sure why she said it, but felt she should as she offered her hand to her firend who just couldn't seem to catch a break.

“Anytime...” Sevastyan murmured in return. “I keep vondering if... perhaps... had I only listened a bit more...” The wizard shook his head. “Nevermind.” Such thoughts pained him too much to bear speaking them aloud, even though Sevastyan had begun to. “I... vish there vos more I could do...” Kiara certainly wouldn’t let his new, darker nature do anything that might be thought of as helpful. And the wizard honestly had no idea how to help himself much less how to help his employer and friend with her own troubles.

In a single glance Sevastyan noticed the shock and worry his comment about his wife had gotten. He kicked himself for saying it now, imagining the slew of questions that would no doubt be plied. But nothing... Sevastyan was actually a little glad for the silence. He didn’t really know if he wanted to talk about it with someone or not. Talking about it made it real and did little to solve the problem. The wizard didn’t want it to be real, and had tried to solve the problem. Too much anger and hurt had been shared that day to be of any help. It was all too much... And so, Sevastyan tried to lock it away.


"Sevatyan!? you alright?"

Sevastyan twisted to right himself, further muddying his robes. His face was heavily splattered with mud. “Yes, I’m fine... Except my pride...” the wizard answered. Truthfully his ankle burned, but he was too proud to admit he had hurt himself in the fall. With a string of Russian curses of the non-magical variety he wiped the mud off his face, then shook his mud-filled hand away from them both to at least mostly clean it off. Glancing to the bottle of vodka, Sevastyan heaved a sigh and seemed to wilt further if such a thing were possible.

“Thanks,” he replied and accepted the hand with the cleanest of the two of his. He wasn’t quite sure why she was apologizing or offering sympathy, and couldn’t be certain as to his response. Sevastyan glanced at their entwined hands for a moment. A sad smile appeared on his face, reminded of a simpler time when the skies weren’t quite so gray and his heart felt as light as a feather. How he wished for a return to such times...

Getting an idea, Sevastyan’s expression morphed into that of a mischievous smirk. With his “new” darker look the countenance looked a bit sinister. However, his next actions proved the intent was far from malevolent: instead of using this opportunity to stand, Sevastyan gave Kiara’s arm a semi-playful tug in an attempt to get her to join him. With any luck, perhaps the move might just get the both of them to laugh. It would be the first time in a very long time since Sevastyan actually laughed and meant it.

Kiara blinked over at hear firend, "We arn't all knowing Sevastyan.. All we can do is try our best.." she said with a sigh. Even though it was more then insanely fustrating when there best wasn't nearly enough.

She nodded, "Same here my firend" she murrmered, feeling he had no idea how much she wished she could help him. At the moment helping him help himself was a uphill battle it seemed.

She didn't say anything about his comment about Viper, since she didn't feel it was her place.. it was a marrital problem, one she doubted she could help with either. If Sevastyan wanted her advice on the this issue she was willing to listen and help as best she could. But she wouldn't pry into something that had nothing to do with her.

Kiara gave sympathetic smile as she offered her hand out to him, falling and coming out all muddy could be a blow to someones pride.

Then Sevastyan took her completey by surprise when he pulled her into the mud next to him,

"Ack.. Sevastyan? what the.." she muttered in a flurry as she lost her balance and she landed in the muck with a slat. She looked at him in shock for a second, being unable to believe he has suddenly done that. She wipped the mud offer her face and sat up slightly still not sure what to say. Then she caught his mischievous smirk, and suddenly she felt relief of something. She started laughing.

"Sevastyan Kaminiski of all the things.. " she said picking up big gob of mug and spattering it on his shouder.

"It is a mud fight that gets you smileing again?" she asked shaking her head at the insanity of it all, yet still a light came back to her face for the moment and a chuckle escaped her lips. If mud fight was what would cheer him up even more a moment.. why in merlins name not? Kiara didn't care and she picked up another gob of mud, ready to seek "revenge" for him pulling her in the muck.