Adiemus ~ Viper's Farewell

Subject: Adiemus ~ Viper's Farewell Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:15 am

(Before her death, Viper created a journal composed of letters to her family, and excerpts from her journal of the past eight years. The following is the beginning and the first letter to her husband.)

May 24, 2027

My Darling,

Somehow, in spite of the darkness threatening to consume us all and all that we hold dear, Fate has been kind and merciful enough to grant us eight years, so far, together. While I have never been a keen believer in luck, fate, or divination, regardless, I still considered us blessed, particularly as somehow, the Gods were willing to grant me the ultimate blessing and the greatest gift of all: you.

I never thought when I ventured into the halls of Hogwarts once more, resenting every moment, feeling that I took many steps back in life, I would find myself amidst open waters of endless possibilities, and that as I sat in the halls of the place of my beginnings, I would find the beginning to my everything. You showed me a world I had turned my back on, showed me that there was more to life than just careers and being the best at something. You gave me what I never had: love, and a family. And for that, you will always have my love and gratitude, among many other things.

You could have had any girl of your choosing. Literally dozens of witches were staring at you and wanted you, particularly a few amongst the staff, and yet for some reason it was me you sat next to; the self-made loner. You sat with me, talked to me, went to me when you needed me, and, by some strange phenomenon I may never understand, returned the feelings I held for you. I went from 'Professor Viper' or 'Viper' to 'Amaranth' and Mrs. Kaminski, which was and is the highest honor I ever possessed. You transformed me from a spoiled, bitter, Slytherin brat to a woman, loved and in love, and then a wife and mother, shortly after. Everything I am, and ever will be, was because you loved me.

The Father of ECHO, Cragen, has been found dead. The others are already in full-fledged hiding, all with new homes, names, and identities. They urge me to do the same, but I cannot pull my family straight from their roots and send them to a life on the run. I won't ruin my children's lives and condemn them to a life of running and hiding. I want them to have so much more than that and I will be damned before I rob them of everything just because I quiver in the face of death. Still, despite my determination, I still can't help but fear I am next, for I was always the one closest to Cragen so it is only natural I would be next on the list. Especially with all that has been linked to my name during ECHO's era... And if you have found this letter, it turns out I had good reason to be afraid, for finding this means that my greatest fear has come to pass and I am torn apart from you and our children, devoured by the chains of hell.

Just know that even as all we know is lost to the shadows claiming to be the warriors of the light, I still look to you and our love as the beacon in the night, calling me back home, just as I hope my love for you is your beacon. Know that you and you alone are the one I need, want, and desire. It's your face I dream of, your voice that speeds my heart into a flutter, and your arms that I feel at home and whole in. You are the one whose children I happily carried, and the one I gave my heart, hand, and soul to, happily, freely, and wholly.

Come what may, I will always be yours, and not even death will change that. I fell deep and hard for you, Sevastyan, and nothing will ever change that. Attached to this letter are excerpts from my journal. Often, I find there are few words that adequately describe what I feel for you and just how much I love you. Because of that, I feel that the best way for you to see just how hard I've fallen is to see firsthand how I fell in love with you from the very beginning, and how that love has grown all our years together. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts just as much as I enjoyed living them.

All my love til the end of time,
Amaranth

Subject: Re: Adiemus ~ Viper's Farewell Sun Jun 27, 2010 10:12 pm

2018

Once again, life goes on here at Hogwarts. At six am, I rise and get ready from the day, pretending as though I had a good night's rest when in reality I've barely slept a wink. At seven I go down for breakfast, watching as everyone around be interacts, talking and laughing, while I sit alone, sipping at my goblet. Then at eight, the real fun begins, and I attempt to teach a group of students the art and craft of potion making when in reality, most of them could care less and would rather sit on their arsses, blowing their Drooble's and sticking it on the desk.

This shouldn't be my life...

I am a witch living for puzzles and challenges. My whole life, my reason for living is to solve the riddles in life, unlock secrets yet to be known to man and yet here at Hogwarts the most strenuous of challenges I face is resisting the urge to slap a smart alec student in the face.

Is this my atonement for my sins during life? To be doomed to a life of meaningless days, wasted hours, and to watch as my name and purpose in life fade as time passes by?

A. Viper

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Today I met a new colleague here at Hogwarts, the new Defense against the Dark Arts Professor: Sevastyan Kaminski. He just transferred here from Durmstrang and there seems to be something from him that I've yet to sense from any of the others. I realize I've known him only for a short time, but already I can sense something special about him. He's... different. And in a completely good way. It's rather difficult to explain...

My social life here at Hogwarts is nothing like it was at ECHO. Hell, if truth be told, it's difficult to even say if a social life exists or not. After all, I rarely talk to anyone. It's rather difficult to explain why, but here I have such a hard time talking to everyone. The staff are nice enough, but... regardless, it's as though I freeze when I'm around them. Like, I'm walking around on thin ice, and any word say will be used against me or show weakness. And when they do try and approach me, it seems before I can even stop myself, some harsh or icy cadence escapes me, discouraging any further socializations between us.

It's different with Sevastyan... for some reason, when I was around him, I had no problem opening up to him, holding a conversation between us. There's just something about him that brings something else in me out.

I confess myself intrigued.

A. Viper

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is getting ridiculous. I am getting ridiculous. I've gone from being a grown, respectable witch, to acting like a silly, giggling school girl trying to get an older boy to look at me. It's absurd. It's dangerous. It's intoxicating. I fear this...

Actually, **** that. That right there is a lie. I don't fear this. Yes, it's dangerous, yes, I'm acting like a fool. But I am loving every moment of this torture.

The days go by fast, almost like a blur, and the highlight of my day is always when it comes to mealtimes or breaks in the staff room; moments when I know I'll see Sevastyan. See Sevastyan, hear Sevastyan, speak to Sevastyan. Just... being with Sevastyan. Whenever I'm with him, there's just... this feeling I get. One I've never felt before, yet never want to end. It's addicting.

I am a fool.

It's like... a flock of butterflies just fluttering within me, and I have to resist the urge to grin widely, lest Sevastyan thinks of me as a fool smoking something funky. Whenever I'm with him, it feels like I can conjure the greatest patronus known to man, and not just a single measly insect I tend to create.

I am a fool.

Merlin... some days I even take the long way towards a destination, just so I come across the Defense section and come across Sevastyan...

I am a fool.

If this is foolishness though, perhaps I never want to be intelligent again.

Great ****ing Merlin...

I've fallen in love with him.

A. Viper
Professor of Idiocy

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A lack of patience has always been my greatest vice.

... Well, one of many, I suppose I should say. But this has, as of late, proved to be the ultimate of my vices.

We talk, we flirt, we laugh. Day after day, week after week, we hang out, having fun, and yet... we still stay just friends. He hasn't made a move on me or anything, nor shown any interest of that sort... Everything seems to just be of the friendly, platonic nature. With my luck, he may even just think of me in a sister-ish type of way...

He came to me the other night, seeking my aid, saying he had a strange dream, my face being the last he saw before awakening. Normally I'd be thrilled at the prospect of a man dreaming of me, particularly this one, however, this dream turned out to be a nightmare. I welcome him in, and comforted him to the best of my ability, though perhaps the quality could be doubted, considering comforting was not something I do often, if at all. It seemed to work, as he was soon set at ease, and asked if I would like to take a walk with him. I thought for sure it was a good sign...

It was. In a platonic level, at least. He introduced me to his thestral and we went for a ride. He sat upon the thestral, extending his hand for mine, as I sat in front of him His arms were wrapped tightly, yet gently, around my waist, with his chin resting upon my shoulder. I can still smell the scent of his cologne...

I thought for sure something was going to happen. We were up in the air, in the early morning light, with no one around...

But nothing. It was just a ride, apparently. Probably just one friend taking another out for a bit of fresh air.

There is no bigger burn to a woman, to be in the arms of the man she desires, resting her head against his heart, with the painful knowledge that it will never belong to her, for to the man, he doesn't hold his inamorata, his muse, nor his desire...

Merely a friend.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(More to Come...)

» Farewell, A Time to Fly ~ Winter 2028